Wrong Character

All these years I thought I was Aragorn, just waiting for the right time before my path and destiny would become clear.

Today I realise I have in fact just been Gollum all along.

A vile bastard

Despite numerous and repeated examples of behaviour which show him to be nothing more than a contemptuous small man with a small life and an even smaller outlook, who feels putting others down is the only way he can feel bigger, over the years I have periodically tried to give him the benefit of the doubt because she has insisted on staying, or returning to him.

But now I would like nothing more than this vile little shit to be strung up by the balls and left to rot.

Mixing up cause and effect

Telling me my Chronic Fatigue is all about my state of mind - that if I could sort out the subsequent Depression then I would be fine - is akin to telling me if I could sort out my attitude to the pain of a broken leg, it would be fine to go running again.

Something is not functioning properly with my body. Stop telling me it's my fault because because I haven't sorted myself out mentally.

I don't really want to die

The thoughts of suicide are not really about wanting to die.

They are about wanting the emotional pain to stop, and not knowing of any other way to stop it.

Probably the majority of time I don't feel that level of emotional pain. But it is common nonetheless. And each time it returns, it feels like it has never left, and there is no other way of feeling.

It is a lie.

But it's a very convincing lie.

It might be gone in a few days.
It might be gone by tomorrow.
It might be gone a few minutes after I click "publish post".

I don't really want to die

I just want the pain to stop.

Constant

It's been a day of constant nagging fear and anxiety, even though nothing bad has actually happened.

I'm over tired.

And that means dealing with things is so much harder.

Making phone calls, returning emails, even leaving blog comments, are all too much. When faced with them, my stomach knots up.

So I play another game of Solitaire and hope it will just go away.

First post

Being chronically tired isn't just about physical energy.

When we are tired, we find it much harder to battle the demons within, who tell us we are useless, pathetic and will never be able to cope.

When we are tired, we find it much harder to fight off fears, anxieties and depressions.

When we are tired, all we want to do is lie down and give in to the darkness.

Being chronically tired isn't just about physical energy.

Being chronically tired is all about the constant mental and emotional battles every day of our lives.